It has now been one month. One month since I woke up knowing it was the day I would loose my father. One month since I went to the funeral home to see what Daddy had planned. One month since Jason and I "borrowed" mums from front porches for Daddy's funeral. One month since I held my Daddy's hand. One month since I sat with family telling stories of all my Daddy did, and lived through. One month since the world stopped turning...yet it didn't.
One month ago I stood by my father's side and told him he had done everything right. One month ago I held his hand until he took his last breath. It has been one month and time continues to move. I somehow thought that without my father my world would be empty, or wrong somehow. I have learned, as time passes, that everything my father ever gave me still exists. I have learned that the love I have for him just grows and grows each day. I have learned that each day still holds wonder, and joy, and sadness all in the same space.
I have learned so much in the past month about peace. I had lived for so many years in the fear of loosing my father. Daddy was my everything. He was the one who gave me wings and held in his own sadness as I took flight. Daddy only wanted the best for me and did all he could to make sure I was happy, and fulfilled, and supported. I have learned that all of that only grows. What Daddy has given me would be wrapped in brown paper bags, probably smell of smoke, and involve super glue, but it's all just as amazing on the inside.
I have learned that the gifts I've been given are bigger than life and even death. I have learned that unconditional love can't be explained or demonstrated, only felt and passed on. I somehow thought that once Daddy passed, I would no longer feel our relationship or that I would somehow feel a piece missing. I know now that our relationship transcends time and space and when he left, I remained whole.
I miss his phone calls after 9 pm. I miss being able to call him and share my excitement, frustration, and sadness, and I miss hearing his voice. But, I don't wish for what no longer is. I don't wish for my father as he was, and I don't long for the past or the future. I remain in this moment, bask in the love that he showed and taught me, and am thankful to have been his daughter.
As time passes, I know each day will be different, but I know that the love I have for my father will only grow and become richer and more majestic than it is today, or tomorrow, or the tomorrow after that.
One month ago I stood by my father's side and told him he had done everything right. One month ago I held his hand until he took his last breath. It has been one month and time continues to move. I somehow thought that without my father my world would be empty, or wrong somehow. I have learned, as time passes, that everything my father ever gave me still exists. I have learned that the love I have for him just grows and grows each day. I have learned that each day still holds wonder, and joy, and sadness all in the same space.
I have learned so much in the past month about peace. I had lived for so many years in the fear of loosing my father. Daddy was my everything. He was the one who gave me wings and held in his own sadness as I took flight. Daddy only wanted the best for me and did all he could to make sure I was happy, and fulfilled, and supported. I have learned that all of that only grows. What Daddy has given me would be wrapped in brown paper bags, probably smell of smoke, and involve super glue, but it's all just as amazing on the inside.
I have learned that the gifts I've been given are bigger than life and even death. I have learned that unconditional love can't be explained or demonstrated, only felt and passed on. I somehow thought that once Daddy passed, I would no longer feel our relationship or that I would somehow feel a piece missing. I know now that our relationship transcends time and space and when he left, I remained whole.
I miss his phone calls after 9 pm. I miss being able to call him and share my excitement, frustration, and sadness, and I miss hearing his voice. But, I don't wish for what no longer is. I don't wish for my father as he was, and I don't long for the past or the future. I remain in this moment, bask in the love that he showed and taught me, and am thankful to have been his daughter.
As time passes, I know each day will be different, but I know that the love I have for my father will only grow and become richer and more majestic than it is today, or tomorrow, or the tomorrow after that.
