There have been many lessons I have learned and continue to learn since the passing of my father. I experience sadness and joy, pain and bliss, and people with their own agenda and those who reach out. This Christmas has been difficult as I am a girl that does not like change. We had decided to stay busy this year, make 3 family visits in Florida and wake up Christmas morning at my mom's house.
To make another long story short, Jason broke his ankle Wednesday, December 18th playing basketball and will need surgery Tuesday, December 23. Needless to say, our Christmas plans have changed and we will be home.
I just wanted Christmas to feel like "Christmas". I wanted to feel joy and the magic of Christmas and know that it exists even without my father. I was so sad. We had no tree and I feared we would put Teague to bed, after looking for Rudolf's nose, and just look at each other. I have had many people ask what they could do and offer their help if needed. I really am so fortunate to have so much more than many others and decided that this year would just be difficult emotionally and allow my spirit to heal.
This morning, my friend Donna arrived at the house with another co-worker and delivered an 11 foot pre-lit Christmas tree. There are no words. They just swooped in, put the tree together, plugged it in, and left. They wanted nothing but to give. They wanted to give me a "normal" Christmas. I didn't have to ask, or hint, they just knew. They saw my heart, slapped on a band aid, and left. Teague immediately began taking the ornaments he made in school and hung them on the tree. He clinched his hands at his chest in joy and admiration of his work. For the next couple of hours I stood in awe at their love. This tree is no more beautiful than any other, but to me it is perfection. It is a representation of Christmas.
I kept telling myself it's not about a tree or presents, and it's not. It's about the people you love and living your live in a way that regularly shows the ones you love that you love them. This world is filled with sadness, and hatred, and greed. I get that. It is also full of compassion, and generosity, and love. It's all in there, we just have to be ready and open enough to see it.
My Christmas could be filled with sorrow and heart break. I could choose to focus on what everyone else has or what I wish things were like, but why. Our lives are equally filled with a balance of all that exists in the world. What is the secret in the sauce? What's the secret in the noodles? There is no secret! It's all in there. Just be willing to see it. Open your eyes to all this world has to offer, because focusing on all we wish we could change, doesn't allow us to see what is right before us. There is balance, it's in there...and we got a Christmas tree!
To make another long story short, Jason broke his ankle Wednesday, December 18th playing basketball and will need surgery Tuesday, December 23. Needless to say, our Christmas plans have changed and we will be home.
I just wanted Christmas to feel like "Christmas". I wanted to feel joy and the magic of Christmas and know that it exists even without my father. I was so sad. We had no tree and I feared we would put Teague to bed, after looking for Rudolf's nose, and just look at each other. I have had many people ask what they could do and offer their help if needed. I really am so fortunate to have so much more than many others and decided that this year would just be difficult emotionally and allow my spirit to heal.
This morning, my friend Donna arrived at the house with another co-worker and delivered an 11 foot pre-lit Christmas tree. There are no words. They just swooped in, put the tree together, plugged it in, and left. They wanted nothing but to give. They wanted to give me a "normal" Christmas. I didn't have to ask, or hint, they just knew. They saw my heart, slapped on a band aid, and left. Teague immediately began taking the ornaments he made in school and hung them on the tree. He clinched his hands at his chest in joy and admiration of his work. For the next couple of hours I stood in awe at their love. This tree is no more beautiful than any other, but to me it is perfection. It is a representation of Christmas.
I kept telling myself it's not about a tree or presents, and it's not. It's about the people you love and living your live in a way that regularly shows the ones you love that you love them. This world is filled with sadness, and hatred, and greed. I get that. It is also full of compassion, and generosity, and love. It's all in there, we just have to be ready and open enough to see it.
My Christmas could be filled with sorrow and heart break. I could choose to focus on what everyone else has or what I wish things were like, but why. Our lives are equally filled with a balance of all that exists in the world. What is the secret in the sauce? What's the secret in the noodles? There is no secret! It's all in there. Just be willing to see it. Open your eyes to all this world has to offer, because focusing on all we wish we could change, doesn't allow us to see what is right before us. There is balance, it's in there...and we got a Christmas tree!
love this, thanks. hope your different christmas this year is full of joy & peace.
ReplyDeleteThat was a beautiful post. I didn't know that about your dad, I am sorry. A recent widow (a cousin of a friend) was comforted with these words that may speak to you also- "there may always be a place within you that remains hollow. Value it. A quiet, abiding emptieness can be God's way of sustaining your connection to your loved one." I am thinking of you. - Meaghan
ReplyDeleteThat was a beautiful post. I am sorry about your dad, I didn't know. Recently a cousin of a friend became a widow. These words were spoken to him to give him comfort; maybe you will find some comfort in them as well. "There may always be a place within you that remains hollow. Value it. A quiet, abiding emptieness can be God's way of sustaining your connection to your loved one." I am thinking of you. - Meaghan
ReplyDeleteJ- As I read your post my eyes fill with tears and my heart aches a little, but your insight and perspective are a breath of fresh air. Your words make me slow down, take a deep breath and value What life and the season is really all about. You make me a better friend. Love you !
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