The Enormity of Love

My father's passing has brought many emotions, however I never dreamed that love would rise to the top.

Daddy had always been my biggest advocate and even if it meant that he would somehow struggle, he wanted the absolute best for me. I was always first. My needs, wants, hopes, dreams, and heart's desire came first.

Daddy and I freely expressed our love, for as long as I can remember, and it is that which carries me. I spoke to a friend on the way to the airport as I rushed to be by my father's side, and she asked if there was anything I wanted to say to him. I couldn't believe there was nothing. I of course, wanted to tell him that I loved him as many times as I could, and that he had done everything right, but even if I didn't get that chance I knew he knew. As I stood by my daddy there were no words. All I could do was love him. It is such a wonderful feeling to know the enormity of his love and know that if I had two more minutes, hours, days or decades, there would be no more words to express our love. I am blessed to know this feeling.

After Daddy passed, I spent considerable time in his house, and found such treasures. My dad valued the little things that strangers would have thrown out. I found hand written recipes that were from my great grandmother, The Great One we called her. There were cards I had mailed over the years just to tell my father how much I loved him. I found pictures I had colored as a child, notes I had written, and the hospital bracelet from when I was born. Locked in a briefcase were no insurance papers, no money, nothing of monetary value...but a card from his parents and grand parents from when he was confirmed.

Daddy saved and treasured what mattered most. Daddy held on to love from family and friends. To Daddy, people mattered. The things you said and did mattered. When I look at his life I know I mattered. He told me with his words, showed me with his actions, and cherished when I did the same. Really, what else is there?

I am moved, embraced, and lifted by the enormity of his love.